"You ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days."
-Goo Goo Dolls
As you can imagine from my last post, it's been a difficult week. "Difficult" may be an understatement. We are all in the throes of the grieving process, particularly Rob, his brother, and his mom. And while that process is going on, life demands that we move on as well. There are things to do, errands to run, responsibilities to take care of. Even though a loss like this makes it feels as though the world has stopped spinning on its axis...it hasn't. And so it goes.
Ringing in a new year after Roy died was hard. New Years Eve is supposed to be a happy, exciting time. You're supposed to make resolutions and talk about the amazing twelve months ahead of you. But this year, it felt so different. Whenever someone said, "Happy New Year!" I felt like responding, "I guess." Because the reality hit us all that in 2013, we'll be missing someone we loved and cared about. Rob won't have his dad. The whole thing just seems incredibly unfair.
Rob and I have talked about this and I've asked him if he thinks we can still have good times this year, even though it's going to be a difficult year without his dad. "Of course we can," he said, and I felt a little relieved. 2012 was so hard for us for so many reasons, and after that, I have this desire to be happy and to fill my life with as many positive experiences as I can. I want to take care of myself this year, to prioritize myself. I want to focus on trying new things and making memories. And even though there will be plenty of sad times and depressing times when we realize that someone dear to us all is missing...I believe and hope we can still find some joy as well. That's my wish for this year.